AI is no longer a technology of the future – it’s a reality. And it’s not just in the world of technology, it’s in dating too. According to a 2025 Hily study, 82% of zoomers and 87% of millennials are already using it. But the way it’s spread has created something of a paradox. On the one hand, we use algorithms ourselves, but on the other, we’re against their use by others. We need a new set of rules – a code of conduct for using AI in dating – to turn the technology from a source of anxiety into a tool for human communication.
This isn’t just a passing fancy, it’s something we really need in this digital age. If we don’t have clear rules, AI could do more harm than good, making us think we’re connected when we’re not. It’s up to both users and the people who create the platforms to make sure this kind of etiquette is developed. Platform creators can influence the technology in a positive way.
So, here’s the deal with AI and anxiety
The stats show some pretty surprising stuff about how users are acting. On the one hand, almost half of young people admit that they use AI to ‘be on top’: women are more likely to optimise their profile bios, while men are more likely to generate drafts for correspondence. But the same survey shows that more than half of users lose interest in a match if they think the other person is using AI, and 63% of men and 54% of women say they feel less attractive.
This creates a vicious circle of ‘AI for me, but not for you’, where everyone tries to impress while condemning similar attempts by others. The problem is basically the fear of digital catfishing. Stories like the one on Reddit are doing the rounds online: months of fascinating correspondence with a witty interlocutor, only to be met with total disappointment at an offline meeting, where the person ‘in real life’ turns out to be ‘a dud in conversation’. AI, designed to make dating easier, actually ends up undermining trust, which is the foundation of any relationship. Also, over half of users say they feel less confident before a face-to-face meeting after using AI in correspondence, because they realise their virtual image doesn’t match up to reality.
The main risks of using AI in dating without control are:
- Loss of authenticity: Communication becomes a kind of performance where personality is replaced by polished but impersonal algorithmic texts.
- Destroying trust: The way the algorithm is set up makes people think it can do things that it can’t really do.
- Decreased confidence: If you’re always using digital ‘crutches’ it’ll stop you from developing real communication skills.
- Increased suspicion: People start to wonder if the messages are really genuine.
When you’re working on something like this, it’s really important to have a format where you can just improvise, rather than going off a script. For example, in a live video chat like Thundr video chat or CooMeet, the person you’re talking to doesn’t have the time or opportunity to run a neural network to generate the perfect response. Video calls like this are a great way to check if someone’s being genuine, because you can see if they’re really feeling it and if they’ve got a good sense of humour. This kind of communication can balance out all the text-based dialogue that’s around at the moment, and remind us that face-to-face interaction is still valuable.
How to make sure you’re being a good citizen when it comes to AI in dating
The experts all agree that there’ll be etiquette guidelines for using AI in dating, just like there are unwritten rules against ghosting (vanishing without any explanation) or breadcrumbing (maintaining the illusion of interest). The question is whether this process will be organic and unplanned, or whether platforms will step in as educators and guides. Lauren Cohen, who set up a dating app for entrepreneurs, is sure of it: “If apps ignore AI, suspicion will only grow. But if they’re upfront about it, they’ll be able to set healthy boundaries and still give people the freedom to make their own choices.”
If you want to create a healthy culture, you’ve got to be transparent. One of the ideas that’s been doing the rounds is the introduction of an ‘AI icon’ feature in apps — voluntary labelling of messages or profile parts created using an algorithm. This simple action can totally change the story: from hiding things to talking about them openly. It’s not just about relieving tension, it can also open up a new level of honesty between people. Also, platforms should educate users by offering short guides on how to use AI responsibly — for example, to overcome language barriers or find ideas for a first date — without replacing their own thoughts and emotions. The point of etiquette isn’t to ban technology, but to help people stay human in the digital space.
Video chat is the way to go in the age of AI
As text chat becomes more and more subject to algorithmisation, live video chat is becoming more valuable because it’s a more spontaneous and authentic way to communicate. Services like Thundr video chat offer an experience that is difficult, if not impossible, to fake with AI. In real time, you see your conversation partner’s natural reactions, their smile, hear their intonations, and instantly feel — or don’t feel — that chemistry. This type of cam chat is a great way to check if you’re compatible with someone without the risk of being misled by a perfectly composed but soulless message.
That’s why platforms that use live video communication can get ahead in a time when lots of people are suspicious of AI. They offer exactly what modern users need: the guarantee that there’s a real person on the other side of the screen, ready for a genuine, unrehearsed chat. Using video calls after texting could become the new etiquette – a way to confirm you’re serious about meeting up before getting together IRL.
So, creating rules for how to use AI in dating isn’t about fighting progress, it’s about finding ways to smoothly integrate it into human relationships. The future isn’t going to be owned by platforms that ban technology, but by those that help users use it wisely and transparently. In this future, live communication, whether through video chat or face-to-face meetings, will forever be the ultimate and most valuable goal that even the most sophisticated algorithm can’t replace.
